Existential Ecstasy
Our eyes meet…I realize that we are the same as we always were. Time on this earth has no relevance to our metaphysical being.
I giggle as he twitches nervously, walking beside me on our way to our wilderness beach campsite. I am mesmerized by the beauty of the sunset, but can tell that he is anxious to get back to the tent. We have been warned that a severe thunderstorm is supposed to hit in about an hour or so.
The beach begins to take on an eerie feeling as the deep blue sky fades to black and the winds grow strong. Not one person can be seen in either direction. We walk for what seems like an eternity when my friend finally spots the tent. He challenges me to a race and I oblige. He is a childhood friend who I have not seen in years. And I just fed him a fistful of California’s finest fungi.
Thoughts begin to flood my mind as I push my body to move faster and faster. I think of the past few years of my life: how I’ve changed as a person, how my outlook on life, interests, and roles have altered so dramatically since I last saw this friend of mine. I think of the codependent relationship I just got out of and how my life has changed so radically since the break up. A pang of sadness pulls at my heart when I think of not being with him. This sadness is then overshadowed by an intense feeling of determination to keep going, to keep moving, to leave the past behind me.
Tears well up in my eyes as I push myself to move faster and faster. A kind of anger builds up inside, a feeling of resentment that I am trapped inside this body, that I can’t move any faster than it will allow me too. I protest against the restraints of my physical body and try to leave this world behind. I run furiously towards a plane of existence that I am simply not prepared to reach.
I am overwhelmed with defeat upon arriving at the tent. With the most extreme frustration I tear my clothes off, discarding them in the tent with disgust before throwing myself onto the sand. I am absolutely distraught. This is my life. I am here now; stuck in this three dimensional world, trapped inside this unavoidably aging body.
I desperately clench my hair as I lie naked on my back in the sand, sobbing up into the cosmos. Screaming and crying I am painfully aware of my existence. My time here on this earth, in this body, in this life is limited and it is running out… A narrative voice in my head whispers ‘These are the days when we grab life by the horns and refuse to let go… when the desire to live life to its fullest won’t allow for rest. The drive to keep going is strong and there is no end in sight… we all sleep when we’re dead.’
I go inside the tent, still covered in sand. I just lay there on my back and let the tears fall out of my eyes. My friend cautiously joins me in the tent. I immediately melt into his arms and lay my head upon his chest. His touch is comforting.… It’s almost as if the ten years we had spent apart never even happened. I’m 16 all over again …
The lightning lures me out into the storm. I grab the sleeping bag, make us a strong drink to share, and step out to see the show. The sexual tension builds as we snuggle close. In fact, the sexual tension has been building all day. It’s not a question of if we are going to fuck, it’s just a question of when. Emotion and desire is intensified by my trip. In an attempt to lighten the mood, I drink quicker. Lightning strikes about mile down the beach. I can feel the rain coming. The storm is heading straight for us.
I yearn to connect with my friend: to look him in his eyes and touch his soul. We are so awkward together! Here we are sitting naked on a deserted beach tripping on mushrooms during a lightning storm. Why any hesitation to let this happen?
Lightning and thunder striking all around us… Yet, something inside me is holding me back. Why won’t he just throw me down on the sand and shove his dick in my mouth? Why doesn’t he bend me over and force himself inside me? I remember him beings such a dominant lover. It’s not that I don’t want him; it’s just that I want him to make me want him. Thoughts of having rough sex on the beach in the rain in the midst of a storm start to get me wildly excited.
…But we nervously avoid eye contact. The bolts of lightning penetrate the ominously dark clouds with electric neon light. It is a good distraction from the undeniable sexual tension that permeates the air. Instead of focusing on each other, our eyes are glued to the dangerously beautiful sky. The only interaction we have is when we pass the cocktail back and forth…
I want to ravage him in the pouring rain. I down the drink and tell him to get up. Like a hungry lioness, I jump up after him and wrap my arms and legs around his body. Bolts of lightning cracking all around us, we finally kiss. With passionate fury our lips lock. The rainwater drips off our bodies as we begin to release our pent up sexual tension. He struggles to keep his balance as my nails dig into his back and my mouth explores his neck. When he nearly falls over I get off of him, grab his hand and run into the tent.
I lie down to dry off and he gets on top of me. He licks the rainwater off of my body as I quiver with excitement. Finally he has taken the dominant position. Forcefully he grabs my wrists and pins me to the ground. I lie there helpless, eager. I want nothing more than for him to have his way with me. Another flash of lightning illuminates the tent. Animalistic passion ignites inside me as I fight against him. The feeling of the sand scratching my skin only turns me on more. My inner lioness comes alive. I must have him now!
I can feel his powerful manhood brush up against my moist femininity. Aggressively I grab it and put it in my mouth. As I wrap my lips around the tip, I can feel the temperature between my legs rising. My hand continues to caress him as I lick and suck the length of his penis. It is much bigger than I remember it being. How did I ever manage to take it in the ass? He was the first person I ever enjoyed anal sex with and now I struggle to fit all of him in my mouth!
As I please him orally, my desire to feel him deep inside me only grows. I suck and lick as long as I can until I simply can’t stand it anymore and lay back down. He kisses my body and caresses my skin as I slowly catch my breath. Our eyes meet. Cautiously I open my heart and my soul to my lover and childhood friend. In just moment I recall the countless times the two of us made such a deep connection. I realize that we are the same as we always were. Time on this earth has no relevance to our metaphysical being.
My animalistic sexual aggression subsides as I melt into a puddle of tender intimacy. Time seems to slow down. I can see unconditional love in his eyes. My heart swells with happiness and reciprocal love. Ever so gently, he slowly slips inside me. I tighten around him. The weight of his body on top of mine is comforting. His skin touches mine from head to toe. I kiss him hard and thrust my hips into his. I want our bodies to become one.
The deeper he gets, the more excited I become, until I can no longer stand it. My sexual aggression is reignited. I push him off of me and throw him onto his back. Now it’s my turn to have him. I straddle him and pin his hands down above his head.
Slowly I tease him with my kisses. He can’t do anything but lie there on his back and squirm with excitement and desire. He is my prisoner, willing and compliant. His cock slips deeper and deeper inside of me. I let out a moan when I feel him completely inside. In an attempt to fight my inner lioness I squeeze tight inside, screaming loudly. In a flash I lose myself completely. My desires take hold of me and I ride him wildly, harder and faster- until I am no longer in control of my motions. There is no need to hold back. We are miles away from anyone. The rain pours on our tent as I scream and moan as loud as I want.
Turning over, I get down on my hands and knees, arch my spine, and stick my ass high in the air. My lover comes up behind me and I guide him inside. My body bounces back and forth as he moves hard and fast, in and out. The sand scrapes my insides and I enjoy the pleasure and the pain. His scrotum taps my clitoris, intensifying my gratification and the sounds of thunder and pouring rain now drown out my screams. We keep banging harder and faster until it all comes to an agonizing culmination. I feel him pull out and explode all over my lower back. He collapses and watches me as I pleasure myself to a blissful climax. An inner peace begins to warm my body. I can’t help but yawn as my soul opens itself to the universe and snuggle close to my partner. Together we lay side by side in a euphoric ecstasy. Two separate beings connected as a whole. I am completely content.
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